Have you ever had a day where you thought that you might never be happy ever again? I’ve had a string of those
I’m writing this from one of the many waiting rooms within TGH Hospital. My husband, love of my life for the last 15 years, was recently diagnosed with Cancer. Stress, frustration, depression and fear are just a few of the intense emotions I’ve rolled through since finding out, and Seth is dealing with that on top of the pain of his tumor. I wish I could take this over for him, but for the first time in my life I feel truly helpless.
It hasn’t been staged yet. He’s in now getting the CT’s and MRI’s to determine how far it’s spread from the sizable tumor taking up residence in his colon. Our doctor is monitoring the results and after his blood panel a couple hours ago he called us to tell us Seth’s hemoglobins are so dangerously low that we might need to take further action to replenish his blood. Next week will move quickly. Our appointments are set for Tuesday to meet with our doctor and Oncologist to make a plan. All we know right now is that radiation, chemo and surgery are in Seth’s very near future and it’s terrifying and sad.
I’m not sure yet how I’m supposed to be dealing with this, or how I’m supposed to take care of both of us. I just keep moving, one foot in front of the other. Calling to set up appointments, chasing him around with food, asking him annoyingly often how he’s feeling…. There isn’t anything else I can do besides be strong, not break into random pieces and try to keep his spirits up.
I turn 35 in about a week and I feel far too young to cope with all of this. I just know that I love my husband and I’ll do whatever I need to accomplish MISSION: Keep Seth Alive.
Seth is doing as good as can be expected. He’s sleeping a little better because of the pain medication we were finally able to get him on and he’s determined to work through whatever he can. He’s being strong for me.
We feel good about our doctors so far and I remain optimistic that we’ll get to the other end of this horrible thing for the better. I’ll keep updating the progress here as I have it for those of you who are concerned about it.
I won’t let this take my Seth away.